Rick Perry 2012: Style over substance

Rick Perry- Proven Leadership…
in theaters November 3rd…

Rated R
(for retarded)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EL5Atp_vF0]

Yes, that’s an official campaign ad. Yes, it looks like Michael Bay jizzed and that’s what came out (props to PhillyD)

Why Bigfoot hasn’t been captured yet

I guess that explains it. Nobody who has tried to came back alive.

Respect and Obey Authority

As if there weren’t yet enough reasons why religion is bad, here’s another one:

This is West Coast Believers Kid’s band called X-TReMe PoWeR. It was our second song and we made up the lyrics and put it all together through garage band. It’s all about respecting and obeying your teachers, your parents, and Jesus! Hope you like this one too!

Respecting your teachers and parents, doesn’t sound too bad – but other than that, it’s hard to find anything that isn’t wrong with this song:

Authorities are here to help you. Do what they say and everything will be okay.
[…]
If you listen and obey, success  is yours today.
[…]
First of all, pray for all, who are in authority.
So that we, can live, in peace and happiness.

Yeah, right. I’m sure Hitler and Goebbels would’ve been proud of them. Just don’t question anything and do as you’re told – it always worked out just fine in the past. And not just for them, for everyone! Now those are just from within the last couple decades – don’t even get me started on the times preceding that…

You gotta be shitting me…

Quoting from their shop:

“Is your pet feeling left in the dirt because of his/her unsightly rear? I’ve got them covered… Rear Gear is handmade in Portland, OR and offers a cheerful solution to be-rid your favorite pet’s un-manicured back side.

Rear Gear comes in many designs including a disco ball, air freshener, heart, flower, biohazard, smiley face, number one ribbon, cupcake, sheriff’s badge, dice, and you can even make yours custom, so there’s a Rear Gear for everyone.”

Bacon alarm clock

And once again, an insane ingenious invention.

Now have a wild guess at where that might come from :)


Bacon alarm clock

Mmmvelopes – Tasty, tasty envelopes

There is only one place on this planet where this ingenious invention could have come from …

To quote J&D’s website:

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.

Mmmvelopes!